Ayuahasca #2

Building Community Place

During the two weeks that we were building the community place 'Arco Iris', we experienced lots of misunderstandings and tension, although we were living in a beautiful green environment. Everyday we woke up and took a shower under the waterfall before we prepared a wonderful breakfast with lots of fruit, bread and coffee.

Taita

Just before you arriving at Arco Iris, first you cross the property of Taita Don José. Don José is a Chaman who prepares Ayuahasca. It's a process that takes 6 days. The first day I decided not to drink Jahé because I thought it was too expensive, certainly because last time I didn't experience nothing at all but some nausea and diarrhea. The next day lots of people were present at the Taita's. Amongst them was also another much younger Taita. He asked me if I wanted to have some rapé. I had never heard of it so I agreed to give it a try. Rapé is a powder made from in the shadow dried and pulverized tobacco leaves. The taita told me to open my mouth and then he took a little tube and blew some of the rapé in my nose. A hefty burning feeling filled my head and tears ran out of my eyes. After a few minutes I started sneezing and with every blow my head cleared out a little more until I felt liberated.

Then the taita looked at the many wounds I had gathered over the last few weeks and I asked him why I kept on hurting myself. Was there some mental/spiritual connection ? So he asked me if I had been drinking Jahé and he said he was going to talk to Don José to arrange something for me.

The First Night

That night I drank the first cup of Jahé (which tastes absolutely horrible). After not even 15 minutes the nauseous feeling was too strong and soon I emptied my stomach by vomiting. About 1 hour later I drank again a cup ad this time I was able to keep the Jahé in my stomach. After a while I felt a nice but strange feeling, but it only lasted for 5-10 minutes. The rest of the night I was between waking and sleeping waiting for another cup too take. While waiting I probably fell asleep when the third cup was due, so I woke up in the morning a little disappointed.

The Second Night

This night everyone already left, so it was just Lukas, Me and Mar. (And 2 other people in a tent, but they weren't going to drink). The taita told us to smoke some parvatti first to allow the Jahé easier access to our minds. This time I was able to keep the Jahé in my body/stomach for 20 minutes. After a while I started looking for Mar to ask her if I should drink a second cup immediately thereafter. I found here in the woods where she was making strange noises and strange movements. She said: “Jahé is in you. You don't need another cup.”

That made me a little agitated so she said to call the taita if we wanted to drink more. We shouted a few times his name, but he seemed to be sound asleep. Again I went back to the woods and asked Mar to help us out. When we managed to wake up the taita he said to make a fire and then we could drink.

In the mean time it has gotten really dark. When there's session with lots of people, candles are lit everywhere, but now for the three of us this wasn't the case... Lukas drank and when it was my turn, I answered the taita's questions about how much I felt from it. In response he took a jerry can and refilled the bowl with Jahé and stirred it thoroughly. I nearly couldn't see anything, but for the Taita, being almost blind, it didn't really matter if there was light or not.

I finally took the cup from his hands and drank. The substance wasn't nearly as well mixed as should, so I swallowed some hard pieces which tasted even worse than the first time. I lay down on the mattress that we put there for the night and closed my eyes. When I felt nauseous again, I stood up to go for a walk and noticed that of the campfire we had made were only a couple of glowing sticks left. I stirred up the fire and decided to go to the forest.

I didn't really know what to do, but to relax I started doing some Yoga. After not such a long time I still felt nauseous and I walked out of the woods, into the starry night. Suddenly it was like the nausea 'tilted' from a vertical to a horizontal position and I realized that the nausea was the Jahé. I just had to allow the Jahé to take over my mind and not doing that results in nausea. I felt how my brain stopped processing and a warm feeling came like a soft storm in my head. For a brief moment the whole scene was set in a bright light and I could see everything clearly. The experience invoked my curious mind again and the thinking stopped the experience. I tried to get back but trying is exactly what doesn't help so I got a little frustrated as I couldn't get my ego out of the way.

I walked back to the others and when I found Mar, I suddenly felt a connection between everyone and everything. I held Mar in my arms and told her that I saw now that she was me and I was here. She was very happy that I finally experienced the Jahé after so many attempts.

Then I laid down on the mattress again where, in the mean time, Ricky, one of the dogs was laying down too. I went into a dreamy state and I heard Mar somewhere in the distance making whirring, funny sounds. I have a weird experience of connection with everything, the guitar, the dog, the taita, mar, Lukas, Father, Mother, Sister ,Brother, Brother-in-Law and Tristan.

I get up and again try too hard to get the feeling so I get frustrated and decide to get the guitar and play some music. I can't find it at first in the dark and suddenly realize I'm acting in a rush because I'm afraid the effect will wear off before I experience it fully. Then we go up to the taita's 'room' because Lukas wants to drink more. There we find the other people that are camping there sitting with the taita around a candle. There smoking a pipe so we sit down and join them. I feel the effect of the Jahé in a wonderful way of observing my reality. I start playing guitar and it's like the strings and the tabs emit light. The people in the circle start cheering and one person says :”He's making the guitar sing !”. When I hear this I become proud and instantly I loose the touch because my ego gets in the way. I decide that I'm not worth the guitar at that moment so I put it away.

Little later I notice that Lukas is waiting to drink more, since he isn't experiencing any of the things we are experiencing. The taita tells us again to make fire and then he will come down.

Lukas drinks and the taita asks me if I want to drink more. At first I say yes, but then I feel how the Jahé is in me, is always in me and I doubt for a long time. Eventually I decide not to drink.

Next thing I remember is that I see a 'plane' of true reality where we know everything. It feels like shedding your skin and become 'in the light' of this true reality. Even with my eyes closed I can see everyone standing in a crystal clear white light. It costs me some struggle (to let go) when I enter this plane and Taita and Mar cheer when I reach that 'level' (although I'm not moving and not making any noise. The next thing I know is that the dog next to me, the floor underneath and Mar become the same thing as me. Suddenly Mar is next to me and we embrace and kiss like angels. We tell each other numerous times we're sorry and then we laugh and we sing.

I feel like all that exists in reality, is me/part of me, put there (by me) to show me the way to the light (and you and everyone else).

I laugh because I've always known that we're one, that everything is one, but I keep on forgetting every three seconds because I/We love to play this game and I/We love to forget. I realize that distance does not exist and feel everyone I know present, like everyone I want is there, that moment. The material world is nothing but an extension of energy. I can sense the whole range of elders that came before me.

When the experience faded a way, a wonderful clean feeling stays with me. I know now that Jahé is always in me (always has been), but it's hard to get to that stage without the help of the plant. Still the memory is fading but right now it feels like something has changed forever.

Because I know I know

I know you know

You know I know

We know that we know